On Good Friday I was part of a radio show discussing how to leave a better world for generations to come. In the last hour we covered how to cultivate generosity – more of it in ourselves and in our children.
Let’s face it, sharing is one of those golden values we’d like our kids to pick up and all too often it seems to be lacking, to our embarrassment when we’re in public… you know what I’m talking about.
My credentials for this post are low as my daughter is only six years old (that’s our adorable little critter in the picture above) so we’re yet to see if our tools to cultivate generosity in her will yield long term results but they’re probably worth a try if you’re looking for some ideas.
My wife can take full credit for these. She’s very thought out, intentional and well studied on child raising – she’s read so many books. I watched a few episodes of one of Nigel Latta’s television shows and now think I’m wonder-dad when in reality I live in a confused fog when it comes to how we should raise our girl.
Anyway, now that I’ve instilled confidence in you about the deep wisdom from where these ideas to cultivate generosity come, here are some tips.
Tips to Cultivate Generosity
1) Give pocket money and divide it into three. It doesn’t have to be much – we’re trying to teach them a value, not make them rich off our sweat and tears. You’ll know what’s appropriate in your family. This can be earned or simply given; whatever floats your boat and I guess that’ll be defined by how hardcore you are on the whole you’ve-got-to-earn-everything-you-get principle. We’re pretty relaxed about it, right now we’re more interested in driving home the ideas of generosity and saving. On the divisions – one third is for saving, one third is for giving and one third is to use however the child likes. The question of what to do with the third that is to be given away is answered in the next tip.
2) Sponsor a child. I’d be lying here if I didn’t say I think TEAR Fund is the best option for this. Sponsorship works for your child(ren) for a number of reasons. It gives a very real place for them to know where that ‘giving’ money is going. It also gives a great talking point to educate them on those who don’t have the choices we do and why it’s good for us to help out and they can learn about another country along the way. Plus, they can write letters to the sponsor child and get letters back – there’s a relationship that can be built that makes the benefit of that generosity very obvious. You’ll be surprised how often they might want to do stuff to raise money (baking/making stuff to sell) if it’s presented as an option. Our girl likes making cupcakes and muffins to sell… and of course, she gets to eat some of it first to make sure they’re good enough to sell. My co-workers are very generous when she comes around the office to sell stuff as a fundraiser.
3) In the communities of people you’re involved with there are going to be people who need help from time to time whether it be meals, financial support, help shifting house and a myriad of other things that require us to be generous with each other. Talk to your kids about that stuff and get them involved. Get them to help make those meals, take them around to help clean when someone is moving. Help make them a part of that generosity.
4) At Christmas and birthdays it’s really easy for kids to focus on what they might be getting and making sure you know exactly what they want. Don’t beat them up for it and stress too much – it’s normal and ok. To teach generosity though, use the gift catalogues most development agencies have where you buy a gift for a family/community in need and someone else receives a card to say you bought that gift on their behalf. Each Christmas we let our daughter pick some things from the TEAR Fund catalogue, explain the gifts and what they’re used for and we get the cards sent to use as decorations on the Christmas tree so she can see, each year, what she has done over time and the difference she has made by being generous. Foodbanks are another good, visible thing to give to at such times and if you’re adventurous, take them to a city mission one year at Christmas time to help out. We’re yet to do that one.
5) Be generous yourself. Cultivate generosity in you. This is the most important. Your values are going to rub off on your kids. If you’re open and visibly generous they’re going to see it and learn from it.
Most importantly though, if they don’t seem to get it (sometimes our girl really seems to have missed the generosity boat and other times she’s steering it), don’t beat yourself up and make sure you refrain from beating them up… that’s illegal. They are their own being. You can only do what you can.
Note: These tips to cultivate generosity are shaped with younger children in mind. Teenagers are another game altogether and I’ll leave them to you Jedi masters of parenting.
If you’ve got any other tips to cultivate generosity, the more the better. We could all use some help as we muddle our way through parenting. Leave a comment.