The other morning I was praying and there was a frustration I needed to get out so I took the chance to lay a dark part of myself out there. I expressed to God in no uncertain terms that there was something I wasn’t happy about and I told him how I felt about those involved and what I wished he would do to them (don’t ask what I prayed about because I won’t tell you). If anyone had taken the chance to listen in they probably would have thought I was a vindictive character hell-bent on violently bringing down those I struggle with. What I said was emotional, guttural and at odds with anything I would say publicly and what I actually believe. It could be assumed that what I prayed was miles apart from scripture and therefore ‘unchristian’ – Psalm 28 (and many others) tells me that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sometimes we need to say stuff so we can get it out there and let it go. Such stuff isn’t the type of thing I would share publicly as it can be misunderstood and taken far too literally when all I meant was to get something off my chest. A statement can quickly escalate from being a quick vent to being a full-blown controversy well beyond what it was intended or needed to be and people can get hurt in the process – not to mention the insidious character assassination that can occur when we’re talking about specific people to others. Such venting is something we see the Psalmists, especially David, do regularly and it’s right there in Psalm 28 – right there in the middle section. David is there calling out those who do evil and he wants God to tear them down and give them what he thinks they deserve. It’s not his most visceral stuff, but when it’s sandwiched in a request for God’s mercy for himself at the beginning and a praise for God at the end, it stands out.

That sort of stuff being there makes the Psalms wildly relevant, but they can only be that when we understand, first, that it was penned by humans. The Psalms are a human expression of the journey of life. Psalm 28 gives us David’s desire to know God’s mercy, his frustration with those he sees as committing evil, and then his awe of God at the end. It’s poetic, visceral, messy, human and therefore, following on from that, it is divine. But the beauty of the divinity in it comes from the fact that it is, in the first instance, human.

We have to allow such a Psalm that room to be human. To not do so leads us to wrap ourselves up in knots and questions about the condoning of violent intent, revenge and a seeming lack of mercy, grace and forgiveness and then it denies us the ability to express who we are, including our darkness. We need to remember that the writers aren’t God.

That prayer that I prayed needed to be done. I needed the chance to let it out so I could then let it go. To not do so, and to only pray whitewashed prayers would lead to that other stuff festering internally, eating me up and who knows where that would go. What I prayed shouldn’t lead to doctrinal statements and claims of absolute truth – it simply expresses the messiness of my humanity and my desire to walk with God, warts and all. That’s what Psalm 28 is – it is divine because it is human first. It is not a doctrinal statement or expression of absolute truth, it is an expression of humanity in all its messiness.

Psalms like Psalm 28 give us freedom to be our messy selves before an amazing God.

Read more of my reflections on the Psalms.

Here’s why I’m walking this journey through the Psalms.